What's better than a funny dad joke? Well, a funny clean joke that you can tell at work, school or home without worrying about an inappropriate punch line.
Because while dark humor jokes have their place, sometimes a clean joke is exactly what the occasion calls for to provide a bit a comic relief without the risk of offending everyone in the room.
If your supply of clean jokes has run a bit low, not to worry — we're here to save the day with this collection of one-liners and silly puns that are sure to keep adults and kids entertained.
Absent of any edgy themes, these anecdotes are acceptable for children, coworkers, grandparents, school, work or anyplace else that you can think of. Better yet, they are a surefire way to inspire a chuckle or two.
Full of comedic classics, use one of these bad-but-good jokes as an icebreaker, at the dinner table, or simply read them to yourself if a giggle is what the doctor ordered to help get you through an especially long week.
Whatever it is you've come for, we can assure you, you'll find it in this compilation of silly anecdotes with punchlines so dumb, you won't be able to help laughing.
So, read on and get ready to be amused by these clean-but-funny ditties.
- What do you call a snowman riding in a car? A snowmobile.
- Have you ever gone camping? It's in tents.
- Why did the sun skip going to college? It already had a million degrees.
- How do fish pay their bills? With sand dollars.
- Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
- What kind of shoes do bananas wear? Slippers.
- What’s the best way to put a spaceship to sleep? Rocket.
- What causes dry skin? A towel.
- Did you hear about the deer that went to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
- How do football players stay cool? They have many fans.
- What's the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it to you.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
- Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was two-tired.
- Why don't dogs tell a lot of stories? They only have one tail.
- What one word does everyone pronounce wrong? Wrong.
- Why shouldn't pigs drive? They hog the road.
- Did you hear about interrupting cow? What interr...MOO!
- How does Darth Vader like his bagels toasted? On the dark side.
- Why can't leopards hide? They're always spotted.
- What's the best way to cook an alligator? In a croc-pot.
- How much do dead batteries cost? Nothing. They're free of charge.
- Why are owls so carefree? Because they don't give a hoot.
- Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Spring was pretty good, too.
- When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
- I never really liked facial hair. But now it's starting to grow on me.
- Why did the pony need a glass of water? Because it was a little horse.
- Did you hear about the book on glue? You can't put it down.
- Where do armies go? Into your sleevies.
- Did you hear about the frustrated doctor? He lost his patients.
- What's the best way to hire a horse? Bring a ladder.
- Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.
- What did one eye say to the other? "Between you and me, something smells."
- What's the best way to attract a squirrel? Act like a nut.
- I'm afraid of escalators, so I take steps to avoid them.
- Why are snowmen so easy to get along with you? Because they're very chill.
- Why do vampires use breath mints? Because they have bat breath.
- Why did the rabbit go to the salon? It was having a bad hare day.
- What's the best way to spot a baby snake? Look for its rattle.
- Why shouldn't you play games with big cats? Because sometimes they're cheetahs.
- I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
- Why did the invisible man quit his job? He just couldn't see himself doing it.
- Why can't you surprise mountains? Because they're always peaking.
- What did the credit card say after being arrested? "Guilty as charged."
- Did you hear about baker that got dough for his birthday? It was just what he kneaded.
- What do you call a police officer that won't get out of bed? An undercover cop.
- How should you properly address a hippie's mom? Call her Mississippi.
- Did you hear the one about the peach? It's pitiful.
- What happens to cows that get too much sun? They turn into evaporated milk.
- Did you hear about the rowboat that sank? It was an oar-deal.
- Why shouldn't you tell jokes about pole vaulters? They never go over very well.
- Why should you hang sweaters together in the closet? They're very close knit.
- Did you hear the joke about breakfast? It was eggs-cellent.
- Why are mummies short-tempered? Because they're all wound up.
- Why can't you send custodians into space? Because they always scrub the mission.
- Why can't you tell pigs secrets? They always squeal.
- Did you hear about the dinosaur car accident? It was a tyrannosaurus wrecks.
- Where can you find horses? In a neigh-borhood.
- Did you hear about the cow that couldn't produce milk? It was an udder disaster.
- Did you hear about the frog that lost its car? Apparently, it got toad.
- Why don't ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
- What do you give a thirsty crocodile? Gater-aid.
- What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.
- Why did the cat go to the vet? It wasn't feline well.
- What's the best time to book a dental appointment? At tooth-hurty.
- What's weirder than seeing a catfish? Watching a goldfish bowl.
- What did the beaver say to the tree? "It was nice knawing you."
- A diner says to the waiter, "Will the pizza be long?" The waiter replies, "No. It'll be round."
- Where do birds go on vacation? Someplace cheep.
- What's a balloon's least favorite kind of music? Pop.
- Why did the robber wash his clothes before leaving the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
- What's the easiest way to make a hotdog stand? Take away its chair.
- Eggs and bacon walk into a restaurant. The host says, "We don't serve breakfast here."
- Did you hear about the king who's only 12 inches tall? Technically he's just a ruler.
- Why did the girl keep her money in the freezer? She wanted cold cash.
- Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his own nose.
- How do you fix a broken garden? With a cabbage patch.
- When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
- Why did the drum go to bed early? It was beat.
- Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
Sarah Lemire
Sarah is a lifestyle and entertainment reporter for TODAY who covers holidays, celebrities and everything in between.
